Lifers, Looking forward to the future

Feb 25th, 2014 | By | Category: Paco's Podium, Rehabilitation, Satire, Spotlight
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CDCR releases new handbook for Lifers

LiferHandbook

“You may never get out of prison, but that’s no reason not to plan ahead. What if your case was suddenly overturned on a technicality? Are you ready for today’s high technology, communications driven society?” So begins CDCR’s new “Handbook for Lifers.” (Zoom Image)

You really have to hand it to Millicent Tidwell, she gets things done. Take the new Division of Rehabilitation Programs (DRP) offering, “Facing Life: A Handbook for Lifers and Others Serving Lengthy Sentences,” for example.

The DRP generously provided Paco a copy of Volume I, “Looking Ahead.”  Like everything printed, published or otherwise produced by DRP, “Looking Ahead” prominently declares the tome as the turf of Ms. Tidwell.  It seems Millicent Tidwell, Director, California Department of Corrections, Division of Rehabilitative Services wants to make certain as many people as possible are aware Millicent Tidwell is, indeed, Director of CDCR’s Division of Rehabilitative Services.

Really, in nearly 3 decades I saw some shameless self promoters come and go but Millicent Tidwell, Director, California Department of Corrections, Division of Rehabilitative Services stands out as the reigning Queen of Me.

On the serious side, in state bureaucracies power is measured in terms of the size of one’s realm:  How many programs do your oversee, how many people are under you, how much do you spend.  In that context, branding is of equal importance.  After all, what’s the point of creating a huge bureaucracy if  it becomes known some other petty bureaucrat can fill your shoes?

So, Tidwell busies herself not only promoting rehabilitation’s magical mystical properties, she promotes her own power with at least as much vigor.

Interestingly (or not) “Rehabilitation Today,” first appeared in December 2012 absent the name of any DRP boss.  Then, in May 2013, “Tanya Rothchild, Director (A)” appeared on the header under the Division Title.MillicentTdiwell

Then, with the August 2013 issue, Tidwell’s name replaced Rothchild’s.    There’s been no looking back since, for this forward looking self-promoter.

Doubtless, Tidwell is being groomed to replace the Psychretary–She will be CDCR’s 2nd SecrAttorney, when then former retires again.  That’s right, she’s an attorney!

At that point, doubtless it will be dubbed the Millicent Tidwell Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation, LLC.
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Note: In the interest of clarity, the preceding is correctly labeled satire but it is not not a parody. I am honestly ridiculing Tidwell as both a true believer and a self-promoter.  Only the ‘lifer’s handbook’ is a spoof….so far.

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5 Comments to “Lifers, Looking forward to the future”

  1. kl2008a says:

    I can see it coming down the pike, next it will be “End of Life” counseling. How about if they just teach them how to die without whining about it? We all know that all of this is a pipedream, even the dying part.I think more die of old age and beating the courts by doing themself in.

  2. Bob Walsh says:

    What’s the point of being the HMFIC if people don’t know it?

  3. Howie Katz says:

    Actually, a ‘Lifer’s Handbook’ is not a bad idea. You have probably given the Queen of Me a good idea for her next project.

    Such a handbook can have all sorts of valuable instructions. How to punk another inmate in the shower. 10 different ways of masturbating. How to get an extra piece of meat in the chow line. How to get a contraband cellphone. How to get a bull to do you favors. How to start a riot without involving yourself in the mayhem. 5 different kinds of shanks. How to make a shank. How and where to shank an inmate who’s done you wrong. How to hide contraband from the bulls. Etc., etc., etc.

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